I was up until 2 am, and as soon as the clock hit midnight, I knew it was Monday. I'm not ready for Monday. His wake is 4-7. I'm so sad and scared. I never went though the bartering stage of grieving, because there was nothing to barter. He's gone. There was no limbo of life support. There is no anger. He went so incredibly quickly, and as a medical professional, I know everything was done. The decision was made for us.
I made/still making his collages. Looking through these pictures I'm remembering so much of his life. I feel hollow - like there is a hole in my chest. I just don't know how to be me without him. I guess that's how we feel about our parents - they have been in our lives since our first breath, since our first moment of existing.
Now I have to say goodbye to the first man who loved me, who was always there for me. I hope he felt peace and bliss with his last moments on this earth. I imagine his parents and grandparents there, his dogs and horse. I wonder if his life flashed before his eyes? I wonder what his last thought was? I wonder if he is going to miss us?
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