down 3.8 lbs! I followed the program much more closely this week, and exercised.
I guess I know what I'm doing next week to keep this going!
Sunday, April 15, 2012
Saturday, April 14, 2012
Pictures don't lie, and I don't like the truth
Yesterday, we were playing on the couch. They were taking my glasses and hat and putting them on - it was a really nice moment where we were laughing and playing, and my husband took some pictures on his iPhone. Whoa - I look 300 lbs! Granted, we just came back from a 2.5 mile walk, but I really couldn't believe how I looked. I will consider these pictures "before" pics.
My motivation feels different this time - I feel more determined.
I always considered anything below 253.8 to be there just for a visit, but not to stay. Every time I try to loose, I do great until I get to 253.8, and I just can't get below that.
I feel like weight loss is an elastic band, and the more I loose, the tighter the band gets - just waiting to snap back to my starting weight. Once it gets to 253.8, that's it max and it will snap back.
I really hope it's different this time. I'm fed up with this weight. I'm more motivated than ever.
Big happenings!
The lemon our family was handed was Dave getting fired from a job he's had for 12 years. He never liked it, mind you, but it paid the bills and he became good at it. He was never uncomfortable enough to do anything about it, so he was stuck in a job that he was very unhappy in and it was just the way it was. When he got fired, it was such a dark time for us. He was embarrassed to be working at a company that is the butt of many jokes - but he was more embarrassed to be fired from such a company.
The other night, we were watching Gordon Ramsay Kitchen Nightmares, and he kept stopping the show to tell me about when he worked in the kitchen, this happened and that happened. This is very common when we are watching any type of cooking show. I finally said to him "Why don't you go back to school to be a chef?" He did it in VoTech in high school, and was in the kitchen for 4 years in the Navy. Life happened after the Navy, and he ended up getting a bachelor's degree in Criminal Justice. After trying for over a year to get a job in the legal system, he was so discouraged he got a job in retail. Retail was supposed to be a bridge until he got a "real job", but once again, life happened and he stayed. In the blink of an eye, 10 years passed and now he's 40. Another blink, and 2 more years passed and now he's almost 42 and unemployed in a state with an over 13% unemployment rate.
We went on a tour of Johnson & Wales University today. It's one of the top 2 cooking schools in the country. He was motivated enough to look at the website, sign up for an orientation, and look at the classes. This may not sound like much, but this is H.U.G.E. for him. He has an appointment with admissions on Wednesday. Because he has his bachelors already, he can get an associates in 1 year. The tour was great and we got to taste some of the student's creations. It was amazing! The real amazing part of this whole story is that Dave is taking steps to better his life. That right there is the lemonade part of this whole story. He's not just letting life happen to him - he's choosing the path.
Sunday, April 8, 2012
I play, I pay - 260.4
Yup, went up a pound.
I'm really not surprised. I'm actually glad it was only a pound.
This week, I focused on tracking, and I tracked about 65-70% of my food (I missed a couple of days). Some meals were good, some meals were not. Some meals were pure stress eating/comfort food, some meals were laziness, and some just sounded good. (e.g. the steak and cheese sandwich I ordered at work instead of eating the healthy salad at my desk).
I'm sure the 1/2 bottle of wine I killed with my friend while eating what she calls "Jew Food" didn't help, either.
I was very tempted not to record my weight this morning, but that does not help with accountability.
So, it is what it is - it was wings and beer and nachos and about a bag of Cadburry Mini Eggs (my absolute favorite!!).
This week, I already have some recipes I'd like to try, and work starts their walking challenge. We all got a fancy pedometer and we have to walk 5000 steps a day. I can do that!
So - this week, I'm going to walk more, eat better, but (realistically) still cheat because it's Easter. The good thing is Sunday is my weight in day, so I have a whole week to work of the damage I do today.
Cheers, everyone! Happy Passover, Easter, or just plain old Sunday!
I'm really not surprised. I'm actually glad it was only a pound.
This week, I focused on tracking, and I tracked about 65-70% of my food (I missed a couple of days). Some meals were good, some meals were not. Some meals were pure stress eating/comfort food, some meals were laziness, and some just sounded good. (e.g. the steak and cheese sandwich I ordered at work instead of eating the healthy salad at my desk).
I'm sure the 1/2 bottle of wine I killed with my friend while eating what she calls "Jew Food" didn't help, either.
I was very tempted not to record my weight this morning, but that does not help with accountability.
So, it is what it is - it was wings and beer and nachos and about a bag of Cadburry Mini Eggs (my absolute favorite!!).
This week, I already have some recipes I'd like to try, and work starts their walking challenge. We all got a fancy pedometer and we have to walk 5000 steps a day. I can do that!
So - this week, I'm going to walk more, eat better, but (realistically) still cheat because it's Easter. The good thing is Sunday is my weight in day, so I have a whole week to work of the damage I do today.
Cheers, everyone! Happy Passover, Easter, or just plain old Sunday!
Friday, April 6, 2012
TGIF
Weight wise - I'm not expecting miracles this week. I've made poor food choices - but it tasted so good!
I know I'm still stress eating, and when I'm stressed, I make bad decisions. When my dad died, we were given his car. Dave drives it mostly, but yesterday he needed the bigger car, as he was taking the kids and picking up my mother. I was fine driving to work, and the work day was fine, but driving home at 7 pm, the sun was setting, and I put the visor down. What do I see, but a palm from last year.
My dad always got palms for my brother and I. I was thinking last Sunday (as it was Palm Sunday) how this would be the first year I wouldn't have a palm. My father would actually get it and mail it down to me in Georgia for the 6 years I was down there. I'm not quite ready to go back to church just yet. I tried - stayed for less than 10 minutes, and walked out. I'm just not there yet.
When I saw last year's palm, I audibly gasped, and then cried the whole ride home. We're not talking pretty Hollywood crying - I'm talking red nosed, puffy red eyes, sobbing for my 15 minute drive. Then, when I get home, Dave asked what was wrong and I cried again. After about 30 minutes total of sobbing, I ate Chinese. Before this, mind you, I had every intention on having a nice salad with chicken salad (basically, my lunch that I didn't eat because I ordered a steak and cheese). I felt emotionally drained, and therefore, needed the comforting hug of fried rice and egg rolls. It's not right - but hey, it's not like I got this size from eating apples and tofu.
Today will be better. We'll go to the zoo, I'll take my camera and take some great pictures of the boys and the animals, It will (hopefully) get up to 60 degrees, and it will be nice. Renewing. Relaxing.
TGIF. Today will be better.
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
5 hooters hot wings = 24 points
Whoa!
On my road back to try to loose weight, any WW person will tell you step one is tracking. Sunday, I went to a friend's birthday party at hooters. I was able to relax and have fun (probably the first fun I've had in a very long time). I had 12 wings, a yummy Sam Adams, fried pickles and birthday cake.
I didn't start tracking until Monday (yesterday). I had leftover wings, which I devoured after a 12 hr day, and going to BJs on the first of the month (won't be dong that again!). I came home hungry, tired, and my back was killing me - which reminded me how much I needed to get back to the gym.
I ate my 8 wings, plus chips and dip, and blissfully sunk into bed. Today, I tracked everything I ate yesterday. I ate 72 points!!! 46 was supper. I can't even tell you how shocked I was when I tracked that. It's even more motivation to go back to the gym - to gain some activity points back.
I'm glad I didn't track Sunday!
(I'm sure this is what I would look like if I continued eating beer and wings)
On my road back to try to loose weight, any WW person will tell you step one is tracking. Sunday, I went to a friend's birthday party at hooters. I was able to relax and have fun (probably the first fun I've had in a very long time). I had 12 wings, a yummy Sam Adams, fried pickles and birthday cake.
I didn't start tracking until Monday (yesterday). I had leftover wings, which I devoured after a 12 hr day, and going to BJs on the first of the month (won't be dong that again!). I came home hungry, tired, and my back was killing me - which reminded me how much I needed to get back to the gym.
I ate my 8 wings, plus chips and dip, and blissfully sunk into bed. Today, I tracked everything I ate yesterday. I ate 72 points!!! 46 was supper. I can't even tell you how shocked I was when I tracked that. It's even more motivation to go back to the gym - to gain some activity points back.
I'm glad I didn't track Sunday!
(I'm sure this is what I would look like if I continued eating beer and wings)
Sunday, April 1, 2012
259.4
I took a 2 month hiatus. So much has happened since 1/27/12 that I can barely keep up.
The loss of my father was so much harder than I ever thought I could handle. I wasn't sleeping, I was crying all the time. I tried to go back to work after 1 week, and it wasn't pretty. Monday was just really hard, and on Wednesday we had an emergency of someone having a heart attack. We worked on her, and she was stable going into the ambulance, but once it was all said and done - I could barely keep myself composed. Why couldn't someone have done that for my dad? Why couldn't he have had the chance we gave this patient? I took the rest of the week off.
As I was working through my grief, my husband gets fired from a job he's had for 11 years. Part of the reason was the time he took off for my dad's death. Ouch! So now, I have lost my father, and have a husband who is almost comatose with depression, and a job that doesn't pay me nearly enough.
Money isn't everything - but it sure does help! When I had the boys, I went back to work 30 hrs a week. I would also carry the health insurance. We didn't know the boys would be early, and we would need the good health insurance. Well, the good health insurance is $800/month. Add on top of that my income is cut by 25%, and now 2 more mouths to feed. Add it all up, and what do you get = the savings dwindling at a fantastic rate.
For a year, I tried making it work - cancelling cable, no more vacations, no more going out to eat, no more going out at all. Still, we just didn't make enough. Diapers are expensive. Formula is expensive. Now, that they are eating food - food is really expensive.
By the time January hit, we dipped below a number in our savings that scared me a bit. So, on 1/26 - the day before my dad died - I emailed my boss asking for a meeting. Then, all hell broke loose, and I was hoping she wasn't emailing me back because she knew I was out on bereavement time. When I got back I emailed her again - still no response. I physically went into her office and set up a meeting for the following Wednesday. That Saturday, Dave got fired. I kept holding onto the meeting - "It will be okay, I'm meeting with Brenda on Wednesday." I kept saying. I'm sure they will give me some type of raise - I've been there for 4 years, no raise in almost 3 years, and I"m the most productive person there, month after month. That Wednesday I get to work and I have an email - cancelling the meeting. She has a more important meeting to attend. I email her back - telling her I can meet any time - before work, after work, on my day off - it doesn't matter, I just need to meet with her. I email her Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. No response. On Saturday, I get an email from HR saying she's just too busy to meet with me, and to talk to the department director and if he feels it's important he'll bring it to her. Now, it's been 5 weeks since the first email. I got the big "F*@( YOU!!" from administration. So, I start looking for another job.
I interview, and get another job offer. Now, my current job comes back with an astronomical raise amount. Really? Now you want to talk? I feel a bit bitter that it had to get to this point for them to budge, and now they're giving me a landslide. Where were you 7 weeks ago? I had been trying for the past year to get more hours, or more money, or something to help with our financial situation - and I was told absolutely not because they couldn't afford it. Where they lying? I just don't get it.
I hate to leave the job because I have friends there, I know my job, I'm a big fish in a little pond. But I'm thinking - kids are going to just get more expensive, and I can't live on this rate of pay forever. There is no guarantee of a raise where I'm at now, but there is at the new facility. What do I do?
I guess I just need to close my eyes and jump.
So, there is my life in a nutshell - and why I just haven't cared about my weight.
I'm working to get back to where I was motivated about my health - motivated about myself - again.
Slowly but surely I am getting there.
The loss of my father was so much harder than I ever thought I could handle. I wasn't sleeping, I was crying all the time. I tried to go back to work after 1 week, and it wasn't pretty. Monday was just really hard, and on Wednesday we had an emergency of someone having a heart attack. We worked on her, and she was stable going into the ambulance, but once it was all said and done - I could barely keep myself composed. Why couldn't someone have done that for my dad? Why couldn't he have had the chance we gave this patient? I took the rest of the week off.
As I was working through my grief, my husband gets fired from a job he's had for 11 years. Part of the reason was the time he took off for my dad's death. Ouch! So now, I have lost my father, and have a husband who is almost comatose with depression, and a job that doesn't pay me nearly enough.
Money isn't everything - but it sure does help! When I had the boys, I went back to work 30 hrs a week. I would also carry the health insurance. We didn't know the boys would be early, and we would need the good health insurance. Well, the good health insurance is $800/month. Add on top of that my income is cut by 25%, and now 2 more mouths to feed. Add it all up, and what do you get = the savings dwindling at a fantastic rate.
For a year, I tried making it work - cancelling cable, no more vacations, no more going out to eat, no more going out at all. Still, we just didn't make enough. Diapers are expensive. Formula is expensive. Now, that they are eating food - food is really expensive.
By the time January hit, we dipped below a number in our savings that scared me a bit. So, on 1/26 - the day before my dad died - I emailed my boss asking for a meeting. Then, all hell broke loose, and I was hoping she wasn't emailing me back because she knew I was out on bereavement time. When I got back I emailed her again - still no response. I physically went into her office and set up a meeting for the following Wednesday. That Saturday, Dave got fired. I kept holding onto the meeting - "It will be okay, I'm meeting with Brenda on Wednesday." I kept saying. I'm sure they will give me some type of raise - I've been there for 4 years, no raise in almost 3 years, and I"m the most productive person there, month after month. That Wednesday I get to work and I have an email - cancelling the meeting. She has a more important meeting to attend. I email her back - telling her I can meet any time - before work, after work, on my day off - it doesn't matter, I just need to meet with her. I email her Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. No response. On Saturday, I get an email from HR saying she's just too busy to meet with me, and to talk to the department director and if he feels it's important he'll bring it to her. Now, it's been 5 weeks since the first email. I got the big "F*@( YOU!!" from administration. So, I start looking for another job.
I interview, and get another job offer. Now, my current job comes back with an astronomical raise amount. Really? Now you want to talk? I feel a bit bitter that it had to get to this point for them to budge, and now they're giving me a landslide. Where were you 7 weeks ago? I had been trying for the past year to get more hours, or more money, or something to help with our financial situation - and I was told absolutely not because they couldn't afford it. Where they lying? I just don't get it.
I hate to leave the job because I have friends there, I know my job, I'm a big fish in a little pond. But I'm thinking - kids are going to just get more expensive, and I can't live on this rate of pay forever. There is no guarantee of a raise where I'm at now, but there is at the new facility. What do I do?
I guess I just need to close my eyes and jump.
So, there is my life in a nutshell - and why I just haven't cared about my weight.
I'm working to get back to where I was motivated about my health - motivated about myself - again.
Slowly but surely I am getting there.
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