I took a 2 month hiatus. So much has happened since 1/27/12 that I can barely keep up.
The loss of my father was so much harder than I ever thought I could handle. I wasn't sleeping, I was crying all the time. I tried to go back to work after 1 week, and it wasn't pretty. Monday was just really hard, and on Wednesday we had an emergency of someone having a heart attack. We worked on her, and she was stable going into the ambulance, but once it was all said and done - I could barely keep myself composed. Why couldn't someone have done that for my dad? Why couldn't he have had the chance we gave this patient? I took the rest of the week off.
As I was working through my grief, my husband gets fired from a job he's had for 11 years. Part of the reason was the time he took off for my dad's death. Ouch! So now, I have lost my father, and have a husband who is almost comatose with depression, and a job that doesn't pay me nearly enough.
Money isn't everything - but it sure does help! When I had the boys, I went back to work 30 hrs a week. I would also carry the health insurance. We didn't know the boys would be early, and we would need the good health insurance. Well, the good health insurance is $800/month. Add on top of that my income is cut by 25%, and now 2 more mouths to feed. Add it all up, and what do you get = the savings dwindling at a fantastic rate.
For a year, I tried making it work - cancelling cable, no more vacations, no more going out to eat, no more going out at all. Still, we just didn't make enough. Diapers are expensive. Formula is expensive. Now, that they are eating food - food is really expensive.
By the time January hit, we dipped below a number in our savings that scared me a bit. So, on 1/26 - the day before my dad died - I emailed my boss asking for a meeting. Then, all hell broke loose, and I was hoping she wasn't emailing me back because she knew I was out on bereavement time. When I got back I emailed her again - still no response. I physically went into her office and set up a meeting for the following Wednesday. That Saturday, Dave got fired. I kept holding onto the meeting - "It will be okay, I'm meeting with Brenda on Wednesday." I kept saying. I'm sure they will give me some type of raise - I've been there for 4 years, no raise in almost 3 years, and I"m the most productive person there, month after month. That Wednesday I get to work and I have an email - cancelling the meeting. She has a more important meeting to attend. I email her back - telling her I can meet any time - before work, after work, on my day off - it doesn't matter, I just need to meet with her. I email her Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. No response. On Saturday, I get an email from HR saying she's just too busy to meet with me, and to talk to the department director and if he feels it's important he'll bring it to her. Now, it's been 5 weeks since the first email. I got the big "F*@( YOU!!" from administration. So, I start looking for another job.
I interview, and get another job offer. Now, my current job comes back with an astronomical raise amount. Really? Now you want to talk? I feel a bit bitter that it had to get to this point for them to budge, and now they're giving me a landslide. Where were you 7 weeks ago? I had been trying for the past year to get more hours, or more money, or something to help with our financial situation - and I was told absolutely not because they couldn't afford it. Where they lying? I just don't get it.
I hate to leave the job because I have friends there, I know my job, I'm a big fish in a little pond. But I'm thinking - kids are going to just get more expensive, and I can't live on this rate of pay forever. There is no guarantee of a raise where I'm at now, but there is at the new facility. What do I do?
I guess I just need to close my eyes and jump.
So, there is my life in a nutshell - and why I just haven't cared about my weight.
I'm working to get back to where I was motivated about my health - motivated about myself - again.
Slowly but surely I am getting there.
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