Day 1 - 270.4

So, the weight is from my last visit last week.  I didn't start the program right away because I was going on vacation.  We got home Friday, and Saturday morning was my official 1st day.
I learned some lessons from last time.  I cut back on my carb intake as much as I could on vacation.  I really think this helped this time around.
Day 1 -
For the first time in many, many, MANY years I slept in.  Dave woke up with the kids, and I slept in to 8:45.  8:45!  My kids are roosters - up at 7:03 like clockwork.  Sleeping in really helped with my first day.
My first shake was at 10 am.  Ok, I thought, I can do this again.  It's all coming back to me.  I had a big glass of water, and I was doing fine.  I planned on my next shake at 1 pm.
At 12:45 - the hunger hit me like a freight train.  I thought I was going to eat the counter.    I had my shake 15 minutes early, and the memories of the first time around came back - the starvation and the white knuckling it for the first few days.  So, I had my shake a little early, and after 15 minutes, I felt fine again.
The boys and I went to our friends house and went swimming.  I brought a shake with me.  We were in the pool, I was feeling fine, and someone announced it was 4:15.  I made it over my 3 hour mark, and still felt fine!  I drank another shake, and we packed up to head home.  Originally, our friends wanted us to have dinner with them - she bought muscles! - but I politely declined and went home.  There will be plenty of time for friend meals.
I was feeling a little funny around 6 - kinda fuzzy headed.  I made the kids supper and had my tomato soup with cayenne pepper.  By 7:30 I was tired.  I had a hard time getting the kids to bed, but I did it.  I held off until 8:30 to have my last shake - vanilla with Metamucil (tastes like a creamsicle) and I think I promptly fell asleep.
Hunger level at bedtime - 0/10.
Such a change from the first time around!

Boy, this place looks familiar.....

Hello!  Wow - has it really been 3 years since my last post??  Does anyone even read blogs anymore?  I'm running it old school and blogging again.
I'm sure you're just chomping at the bit for a brief synopsis of what's been going on for the past 3 years.  I've never been one to disappoint, so here we go!
They rest of 2014 - pretty smooth.  I continued working at my job with my long time friend and colleague. I precepted her in more FNP, and she got me back into CNM.  The patients were awesome ( low income Hispanic), my Spanish was coming along, the boys were being their awesome 4 year old selves,  and we were just cruising.  I was keeping the weight off.  I felt great!
All good things must come to an end.
April 2015 - we had a house fire.
Good news - we weren't home.  We were safe.  I won't go into the details - too long, too painful.  Just know we're safe, no one was hurt, we lost a whole lot of stuff, and at the end of the day, we sold the burnt out house to just move on with our lives.   This lead to months (and years) of healing.  We're not healed.  We know this.  But, we're getting there.
Through this, I had a 10 lb slip.  Still holding strong.
Then, in the middle of all this - dealing with banks and construction people and lawyers and insurance companies - my clinic decides to end it's contract with my employer.
This was the nail in the coffin.
During my time of unemployment - my husband decided he has to leave his job, too, and takes a job an hour away working nights and weekends and every single holiday.  We literally would go days without seeing him.  Total opposite schedules.  I felt like I was raising these boys on my own.
It was all too much, and I gained the weight back.
There was some really dark times, and the stress was overwhelming.  Through an amazing counselor and some amazing friends and an amazing antidepressant, I put 1 foot in front of the other and persevered.
I feel like now I'm really coming out the other side. We still live in an apartment, and the thought of owning a home sends me into a full blown hyperventilating panic attack, but I've come to peace with how I am right now.
My long time friend and colleague and I moved to a new clinic. We were there for a year and a half and she's moved on to more of a CNM role.  I can't blame her - she was a CNM first, and she's just so good at it!  I'll miss her, but I figure we've worked together in 3 jobs - I'm sure they'll be a 4th!
After 1 1/2 years of my husband working that awful job, he now has found one on days, and is reacclimating to the family.  Of course, he's already looking for another job, but that's another story for another time...
My boys are now 6!!  I know, right!? How did that happen??!?  They're entering 1st grade at the end of the month.
So now, I pull my head out of the sand, and, Whoa!!  All the weight is back.
So on Saturday.....I'm back to day 1 of optifast!

Week 21 - + 0.4 lbs - 208.0 - 55.4 lbs gone

Ugh!  My first gain, and it happens to be on my last week of the program.  I wish I could have lost a little, or stayed the same, but I didn't. 

I've been transitioning to food, and I went camping last weekend.  Camping was so much fun - the boys had a blast!  Optifast, however, kinda went by the wayside.  It was hard enough figuring out what to cook over an open fire for the family, never mind trying to figure out how to keep on plan.  I did do my best by bringing salads, but I have to admit I had a s'more or two.  And maybe a hot dog, or two.  And maybe a piece of bacon, or 5.

So, I'm now officially on Masters.  Knowing I can always go back to the groups if I need to is a great safety net, but I'm hoping Masters will be enough support. 

So, after 21 weeks, I'm down from 263.8 lbs to 208.0 lbs.
I've gone from a 20/22W to a 16 Misses.
My snoring is gone and my back pain is gone.

I feel good!

Week 20 - 207.6 - down 0.4 lbs - total 55.8

My weight loss is definitely slowing down, but I'm still loosing.  It's slowing down partly because it's harder to loose weight when you're smaller, and partly because I'm transitioning to food.  My transition to food is temporary - we're going on vacation, and it's easier to eat food than to carry shakes/bars with me.  So, I'm learning to eat again.  And with eating comes - shall we say - a laxity of the rules.  A nibble here, a bite there, maybe I'm not drinking enough water, maybe I'm not exercising like I should be - it all adds up to a smaller weight loss. 
But it's still a weight loss!
Next week is my last week on the modified program, then I'm on masters.  I'll still do the program, just on my own with a less stringent group setting.  I can do this!

Pic time!!

I love pic time.  It really keeps me motivated.  When the numbers are slow moving, I can look at the pictures and see exactly how far I've come.

                                                                             54 lbs gone!

 

 

I've gone from a 20/22W, to a 14W

 

 

 

Week 19 - 0.8 lb lost - 208.0 - total loss 55.4 lbs

Small loss this week, but it's still a loss.  I went to Olive Garden on Wednesday, so I woke up on Thursday with water retention.  I expected it.  No excuses, but I never knew how much salt is in restaurant food, and how many carbs are in those meals!  I really couldn't find an appropriate meal that kept me on program, so I had the soup, salad & breadsticks - only I didn't eat the soup, I had 3 servings of salad, and 1 breadstick.    Up until now, I've been able to find appropriate food at whatever restaurant we've visited. 

At my visit today, the doctor mentioned that my program ended on July 22nd.
Wait...what?

Up until then, the end of the program didn't even cross my mind.  I felt a little panicked - I mean, I've lost over 55 lbs, but I still have another 45 to go...I can't stop now!!

Apparently, it just means I have the option to go to Masters program, which is more of a maintenance group, and I get weighed in and see the doctor monthly.  I can still eat shakes/bars, I still get measured every 8 weeks, and see the nutritionist.  So, it's an opportunity for me to use the tools I have to keep up the weight loss, and then keep the weight off.

So, in 2 weeks, I'm going to leave the nest - to go to a bigger, less structured nest.

Week 18 - lost 1.2 lbs - 208.8 - down 54.6 lbs

I feel like this shouldn't count.
I weighed in on a different day, on an empty stomach.
I feel like I've been struggling the past couple of weeks.  The scale is creeping.......
So, instead of feeling bad, I sat down and decided to increase my exercise. I've lost almost 55 lbs, it's time to shake things up a bit!